And The Chasing of Dreams Continues

Saturday, June 16, 2007

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From: Guthrie, Jared
Sent: Saturday, June 16, 2007 2:08 AM
To: Conado, Orville
Subject: FW: very funny! Chat sex gone bad...really bad

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From: Cinco, Jose Giovanni
Sent: Saturday, June 16, 2007 12:06 AM
To: Guthrie, Jared; Salas, Lausanne Robert; Salahid, Marvin; Cinco, Christopher Rey; Signe, Shariza Mae
Subject: FW: very funny! Chat sex gone bad...really bad

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From: Wenceslao, Florissa
Sent: Thursday, June 14, 2007 6:05 PM
To: Bantug, Erwin Joseph; Cabrigas, Michelle; captain_spidey@yahoo.com; Catubig, Ella; Chua, Jee Lord; Cinco, Jose Giovanni; faraway5254@aol.com; Guevarra, Fiona; jel; KEN; Mayor, Ian; MCeniza@lear.com; Mejor, Ferdiesminda; Melgar, Francine; minette; Panganiban, Lar' Ann; poize; Pranga, Sheila Ann; redhair_ginger23@yahoo.com; zesty; Baltunado, Vanessa; Blancia, Leonico; Boncalon, Britz; Bregente, Ruth; Buison, Vanessa; Caguitla, Annelise; Hilvano, Chantelle; Jarabes, Christine; Legaspi, Ydith; Makinano, Melanie; Malazarte, Joyce; Maravillas, Reia; Palang, Rouel; Parreñas, Maria Lolita
Subject: very funny! Chat sex gone bad...really bad

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Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fca: you like that?
Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fca: /ignore
Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a ***** anyway.
Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.

---------------

Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate K, but don't tell anybody
DirtyKate:Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja:I'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja:How did you know?
Bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate ooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate:What the f**k?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate:F**k

------------------

Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMelissa: is that it?
Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
MommyMelissa: ...
Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. *****.
MommyMelissa: whatever.

-------

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't **** with me biznitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

----------------

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They ******* charge your ***.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ***.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: **** am I hard now.

-------------

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the ****, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA:
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie P*rn you **** up.
eminemBNJA: OheminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

------------

sweet17: Hi
bloodninja: hello
bloodninja: who is this?
sweet17: just a someone?
bloodninja: A someone I know?
sweet17: nope
bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17: well sorrrrrry
sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
bloodninja: why?
sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
sweet17: yes?
bloodninja: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
sweet17: paranoid?
bloodninja: yes
sweet17: of what?
sweet17: me?
bloodninja: No. I'm in hiding.
sweet17: LOL
bloodninja: Don't ******* laugh at me!
bloodninja: This **** is serious!
sweet17: What are you hiding from?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: gimme a ******* break
bloodninja: I'm serious.
sweet17: I don't get it
bloodninja: The cops are after me.
sweet17: For what?
bloodninja: I'm wanted in three states
sweet17: For???
bloodninja: It's kindof embarrasing.
bloodninja: I had s*x with a turkey.
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You are ******* sick.
bloodninja: Send me your picture.
sweet17: why?
bloodninja: so I know you aren't one of them.
sweet17: One of what?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: I'm not a cop i told you
bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
sweet17: hold on
bloodninja: Hurry up.
bloodninja: Are you there?
bloodninja: **** you, cop!
sweet17: Hey sorry
sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
bloodninja: Weren't you!?
sweet17: thats not it
bloodninja: Then what?
sweet17: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
bloodninja: Most cops aren't
sweet17: IM NOT A ******* COP YOU ********!
bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
sweet17: fine. What's your e-mail?
bloodninja: Just send it through here.
sweet17: alright *PIC*
sweet17: Did you get it?
bloodninja: Hold on. I'm looking.
sweet17: That was me back in may
sweet17: I've lost weight since then.
bloodninja: I hope so
sweet17: what?!?
sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
bloodninja: Did it?
sweet17: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
sweet17: yes
bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
sweet17: kks
bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17: this isn't you.
bloodninja: I'll be damned if it ain't!
sweet17: You don't look like that.
bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17: Go **** yourself
bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
bloodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week.
sweet17: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
sweet17: You've done nothing but slam me.
sweet17: you hurt me.
bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
bloodninja: Why would I do that?
sweet17: I can't believe that cops are after you
bloodninja: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17: **** YOU!!!
bloodninja: You'd break both of his legs.
sweet17: You're a ******* *******!
sweet17: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
bloodninja: Ok. I'm sorry.
sweet17: No you aren't
bloodninja: You're right. I'm not.
bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
sweet17: I'm done with you
bloodninja: Aww. I'm sorry.
sweet17: I'm putting you on ignore
bloodninja: Wait a sec
bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
bloodninja: Wanna start over?
sweet17: No
bloodninja: I'll eat your kitty
sweet17: You'll what?
bloodninja: You heard me.
bloodninja: I said I'd eat your kitty.
sweet17: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
bloodninja: Well I'm not like most men.
bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
sweet17: Like what?
bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
sweet17: I don't know
bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17: I'm afraid to
bloodninja: Why?
sweet17: cause
bloodninja: cause why?
sweet17: well lets see
sweet17: you say you have s*x with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
sweet17: doesn't that seem strange to you?
bloodninja: Nope
sweet17: well its strange to me
bloodninja: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
sweet17: I didn't say that
bloodninja: So is that a yes?
sweet17: I guess so.
bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17: What do you need me to do?
bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17: ???
bloodninja: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
bloodninja: ok?
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You can't be serious
bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
bloodninja: It's my fantasy.
sweet17: this is retarded
bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17: Yes I want it.
bloodninja: Then you'll do it for me?
sweet17: sure
bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth ****.
sweet17: mmmm yeah
bloodninja: uh oh ...going limp.
sweet17: Har
bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.
bloodninja: I softly s*ck on your **** bringing it in and out of my mouth.
bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I **** harder
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: HARRRRRRR
bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: this is stupid
bloodninja: ...still limp
bloodninja: Do it!
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your *******.
bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17: WTF?!?!?
bloodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
sweet17: YOURE A ******* PYSCHO!!
bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
bloodninja: And turn you into a ******* candy apple...
bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
sweet17: **** YOU *******!!
bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
bloodninja: ...going limp again.
bloodninja: Hello?
bloodninja: Say it!
bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

__________

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

Sweetheart:

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Even the greatest story writer would have never come up with this strange but true stories.

As an air hostess passed along the aisle of the plane on the transatlantic flight from Amsterdam to New York noticed that the baby, nestled between the couple who were asleep, didn't look very well in fact it looked extremely ill. Not wanting to disturb anyone she gently lifted up the baby and took it back to her station. Feeling the baby's forehead, she found it was cold and with a sudden panic she realised that the infant was dead. Calling upon a doctor she knew to be on board, he examined the baby and confirmed that, not only was it dead, but it was embalmed. The child's body had been hollowed out and it was full of the drugs that the couple were trying to smuggle into the States.

………………..

A young lady is alone in her apartment. She goes to bed with her dog on the floor beside her. In the middle of the night, she is woken up by a strange sound. She is alarmed, but reaches down to the dog, who licks her hand.

She is reassured and goes back to sleep. In the morning, she finds the dog hung in the shower. Where the dog slept, she picks up a note which reads "Humans can lick too."

…………………..

A woman living in the city ( Salt Lake ) was visiting some friends in Ogden . When she got into her car in front of this friend's house, she noticed that a car started up right behind her car. It was about 2:00 in the morning, and there weren't any other cars on the road. After she had driven to the highway, she began to think that this car was following her. Some of the time he would drive up real close to her car, but he wouldn't ever pass.

She was really scared to death and kept speeding to try to get away from him. When she got to Salt Lake , she started running stop lights to get away from him, but he would run right through them too. So when she got to her driveway she pulled in really fast, and this guy pulled in right behind her. She just laid on the horn, and her husband came running out. Just then, the guy jumped out of the car, and her husband ran over and said, "What the hell's going's on here?" So he grabbed the guy, and his wife said, "This man's followed me all the way from Ogden ."

The man said, "I followed your wife because I was going to work, and as got into my car, I noticed when I turned my lights on, a man's head bob down in her back seat." So the husband went over to her backseat, opened the door, and there was a deranged man sitting on the floor with a knife in his hand.

…………………….

Two roommates remain at their deserted college dormitory over a holiday break. One of the girls goes out on a date that evening, and the other one turns in and goes to bed before her roommate returns. Later that night the sleeping girl is awakened by gurgling and scratching noises coming from outside the hallway door. Frightened, she locks the door and cowers inside the room until morning. When the girl finally opens the door and ventures outside, she discovers the bloody corpse of her roommate in the hallway.

The murdered girl's throat had been slit, and she had bled to death in the hallway while clawing at the door.

……………………………
In Berlin , after World War II, money was short, supplies were tight, and it seemed like everyone was hungry. At that time, people were telling the tale of a young woman who saw a blind man picking his way through a crowd. The two started to talk. The man asked her for a favour: could she deliver the letter to the address on the envelope? Well, it was on her way home, so she agreed. She started out to deliver the message, when she turned around to see if there was anything else the blind man needed. But she spotted him hurrying through the crowd without his smoked glasses or white cane. She went to the police, who raided the address on the envelope, where they found heaps of human flesh for sale. And what was in the envelope? A note saying "This is the last one I am sending you today."

-------------------

A male flight attendant was stopping over at Japan . He went to a local bar where a Japanese man and woman approached him. They chatted and had a drink; The man gave him an old traditional Japanese drink. The next memory the flight attendant had, was when he woke up in a bath of ice in a hotel room with agonising pains in his stomach. He managed to pull himself out the bath and phone the police. He told them everything he could remember, the policeman described the two people and the man said that's what they were like. The policeman calmly told him to get back into the bath and sit here till the police and ambulance had arrived, The mans kidneys had been removed.

Do or Do not - There is no Try"

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of

4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?"

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think :

_____

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.

So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."

Rebecca- age 8

_____

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.

You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."

Billy - age 4 (I love this one)

_____

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."

Karl - age 5

_____

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."

Chrissy - age 6

___

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."

Terri - age 4

_____

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."

Danny - age 7

_____

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.

My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"

Emily - age 8

_____

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

_____

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"

Nikka - age 6

(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

_____

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."

Noelle - age 7

_____

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."

Tommy - age 6

_____

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."

Elaine-age 5
_____

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."

Chris - age 7

_____

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."

Mary Ann - age 4

_____

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."

Lauren - age 4

_____

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image)

Karen - age 7

_____

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."

Mark - age 6

_____

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."

Jessica - age 8
_____

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

"Nothing, I just helped him cry"

______

Send instant messages to your online friends http://uk.messenger.yahoo.com

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BUHAY CALL CENTER

(Wag ko sana danasin ang lahat ng ito)

1. dahil halos di na kayo nagkikita ng nanay at tatay mo, ang tawag na nila sayo ay "boarder" at sinisingil ka na nila sa upa mo.

2. pag sasagot ka ng telepono, lagi na lang may opening spiel...example:*toot* .... thank you for calling (the company) this is (your name) how may i help you?

3. eksperto ka na sa power nap, yung mga 15mins break nyo, itinutulog mo na lang para fresh pagkacalls uli, mya na yung 1 hour nap.

4. di mo na alam bumiyahe pag may araw, nalilito ka bakit andaming tao,at bakit di na dumadaan ang dyip dun sa mga kalsada na 1 way.

5. marami ka nang naiipong jacket... nakakahiya naman kung pare-pareho jacket mo araw-araw at super ginaw naman pag wala.

6. sanay kang maglakad-lakad ng nakamedyas.

7. ang tawag mo sa mga friends mo...dude, bro, coach,tl, sup.

8. di na dugo ang dumadaloy sayo... kape!

9. finefake mo na wag maging "slang" pag nagbabayad ka sa tindahan o kaya sa jeep para wag akalain na pasosyal ka... masama pa, mas panget pakinggan.

10. tadaaaaa! nagsasalita ka sa pagtulog mo, pati calls monapapanaginipan mo.

11. pumuputi ka na dahil di ka na naaarawan.

12. sanay ka nang matulog kahit maingay sa loob at labas ng bahay nyo.

13. kinalimutan ka na ng mga kaibigan mo dahil existing ka lang pag tulog na sila.

14. sanay ka na sa mga prank callers at mga death treats na nakasulat lang... *sa dami ba naman ng ma-encounter mong ganito gabi-gabi sa trabaho eh**

15. di ka na sanay sa traffic. papasok at pauwi sa trabaho walang
traffic.

16. di na tama ang oras ng pagkain mo. breeakfast mo ay hapunan na. lunch mo sa madaling araw. dinner mo pag uwi mo sa umaga.

17. lahat ng kasabay mo sa jeep pag papasok ka, pagod na. ikaw lang ang bagong ligo at bagong gel.

18. maski sa bahay, mabilis kang kumain.

19. hindi ka na kilala ng aso nyo

20. ayaw mo na mag-jeep. kailangan taxi or kaya aircon na bus.

21. wala ka nang alam na balita.

22. nahihiya kang magpunta sa mga reunion lalo na't alam mong successful lahat ng ka-batch mo.

23. sasabihin mo field ng trabaho mo IT, di call center.

24. nasusuka ka na pag nakita mo ang pc sa bahay nyo..

25. sasabihin mong tech support engineer ka, pero rep ka lang..

26. pag payday... olats lahat sweldo ng mga kaklase mong board passer. (8k per month lang sila) isang kinsenas mo na yun..:P

27. pag day off mo na lang ikaw nakakapaanood ng noon time show!

28. hindi mo na kilala ang mga bagong artista.

29. hindi mo na alam itsura ng mall...

30. di ka na maebs sa bahay, sanay ka na sa cr ng 5th floor or ibang floor.

31. madalas kulang gamit mo sa bahay dahil nasa locker

32. ayaw mo nang pumasok sa internet cafe!

33. alam mo kung sino si Avaya

34. sanay ka nang pumasok ng bagong gising... kakabangon lang galing sleeping area.

35. maglo-lock ka ng pc kahit sa bahay na. pag pindot mo ng CTRL + ALT+ DEL iba ang lalabas.

36. sanay ka ng kumain sa harap ng pc mo kahit nsa bahay.

37. papasok ka sa ofc na nka-jeans, tshirt and cap astig!)

38. mas malaki sweldo mo sa mga ka-batch mo, nagkakanda-kuba na sila sa trabaho nila

39. puro ka-age mo mga ka-opisina mo, walang old maids and DOMs!!

40. mabilis ka ng mag pabili ng corn bits at chicharon sa ermats mo...

41. nakapanood ka na ng rally sa Ayala

42. pag nakakarinig ka ng Kaching!!! akala mo may mail ka na dumating. hehe

43. nakita mo na lahat ng klase ng vendo machine

44. dito sa opisina mo nararanasan na napakabagal ng oras!

45. lahat na ng rason para umabsent nagawa mo na

46. sanay ka na makarinig ng napakalakas na pag singa ng sipon.

47. marami ka ng naipon na microwavable container

48. marami kang ketchup packs galing mcdo at jollibee

49. pag nagkukwento ka sa mga barkada jargon lahat. di nila maintindihan ang ibig sabihin ng ticket..

50. hindi ka na sanay umakyat ng hagdan

51. pag gumagamit ka ng cr,, di ka na nagpa-flush.. kc akala mo kusa na lulubog ebs mo.

52. sawa ka na internet kasi sa trabaho panay ang browsing..

53. during office hours, hindi ka lalabas ng building ng walang dalang relo. baka ma-OB.

54. akala mo may sarili kang locker sa bahay nyo.

55. marunong ka na makipagsagutan at makipagbarahan ng english

56. sanay ka ng magyosi o umidlip pag alas dos at alas kwatro ng umaga

57. dito ka na makakakita ng gf, bf, or asawa. wala ka ng time maghanap sa labas.

58. pag may problema ka sa pc mo, una mong ginagawa ay clear cache at cookies.

59. nanghihingi ka pa ng baon sa nanay mo kahit mas malaki sweldo mo sa kanya..

60. nang ho-hoard ka na din ng tissue sa bahay

61. kala mo libre ang kape sa select...

62. libre parking mo sa building, klasmeyts mo nagbabayad araw-araw ng parking.

63. pag nag cr ka...sanay ka na sa gripo na automatic at toilet bowl...

64. nakaipon ka na ng mouse ball sa bahay

65. nagulat ka ng masabi mo ang opening spiel mo habang nagbabayad sa jeep

66. naka id ka pa kahit nasa jeep

67. kaya mong tiisin na hindi palitan ang damit mo ng 16 hours

68. pagtinanong ng mga ka tropa mo kung ano ang sinusupport mo... sabihin mo msn.com (hahahaha!) kasi pag sinabi mong passport, hindi nila alam yun.

69. mas sanay ka na mag Ctrl+C & Ctrl+V at nahihiya ka na ngayon mo lang nalaman yun.

70. madalas mo harangin ang mga calls

71. Nasanay ka nang may katabing TL na hindi umuuwi. pagpasok mo nandun na. pag-uwi mo nandun pa rin.

72. kahit may malaki kayong speaker sa bahay gusto mo pa din naka-earphones!

73. gusto mo nang lumipat sa makati

74. nung pinasok ng akyat bahay ang bahay nyo, nagsisigaw ka ng HACKER!!! HACKER!!!

75. minumura mo pag nakatalikod kahit sinong amerikano na makita mo. *yan ung kausap ko kanina!!!**

76. pag tinatamad ka tumanggap ng tawag, matapang ka na at alam mo na ang gagawin: RELEASE!

77. puro kalyo na ang wrist at daliri mo

78. sanay ka nang makipag-usap sa telepono sa bahay kahit malakas ang TV. sa office parang limang TV ang nakatapat sayo habang may kausap.

79. pumasok ka na ng puyat, lasing at gutom

80. may picture ka ng nakasuot ng headset

81. sanay ka nang matulog ng dilat ang mata. hindi pwede pahuli.

82. lahat ng style ng pagtulog maiisip mo.

83. lahat ng kaibigan mo may christmas vacation ikaw wala

84. mas gusto mo na mag warm transfer sa ibang department para makatulog ka habang naka-mute at nakikinig sa usapan nila

85. yung ex mo may kasama ng iba

86. lahat ng holiday pumapasok ka kasi double pay malaki ang bayad.

87. d2 ka na sa opisina nakakabili lahat ng gamit mo: kwintas, sabon, shampoo, tocino, longganisa, hikaw, magazine, aso, libro, tshirt, prepaid card, eload, dvd, vcd, yema, corn bits...

88. d2 ka na nasanay kumain ng pagkain na luto sa microwave

89. palaging matabang ang kape sa office

90. imposibleng hindi ka pa nakatanggap ng memo

91. gusto mo na din bumili ng water dispenser kasi pitsel lang ang nasa bahay nyo.

92. nakakausap ka na ng pilipino sa ibang bansa

93. dami mo na naiipon na stirrer (red) galing starbucks kakabili ng
kape.

94. nasanay ka nang mgpadeliver ng pagkain.

95. nakakita ka ng artista na nagbebenta ng pagkain sa pantry.

96. dito ka lang makakakita ng pinagsama-samang tinda na: medyas, vitamins, christmas lights, cologne. yosi, siomai at lahat ng klase ng pagkain, relos, kalendaryo, stuff toys, make up, kikay kit, deodorant, kwintas, sasakyan, camera, video, audio, foot spa , milk spa, bags wallet, sinturon, mamon, hamon...

97. d2 ka na expose sa tapa king, zuppa, yellow cab, jugnos, bermuda hotel's pancit canton, wendy's. north park, starbucks

98. di mo maenjoy christmas party kasi kaylangan mo bumalik sa office dahil may pasok ka pa ng C shift.

99. ice tea ka lang, mga kasama mo.. beer!!!

100. may bago kang damit kada sweldo dahil takot ka makarinig nanaman na paulit-ulit ang suot mo.

101. Lahat ng kaibigan mo kinakahiya at minamaliit nila ang ginagawa mo... Pero pag dating sa araw ng sweldo nagpapalibre sayo.

102. Lahat ng nanglalait sayo na sa call center ka nag tratrabaho, ngayon nakikita mo sa lobby na nag-aapply.

103. Eto na ang tinuturing mong Buhay!

104. Mas nauuna ka pa mag resign sa mga taong nagsasabing mag'reresign na sila.... na since January 2000 pa nila sinasabi na mag reresign na sila...

A Whole Nude World

(Aladdin)
I can show you my cock,
Big, sparkling, splendid
I can make it extended
On my magic mattress ride.

I can open your thighs,
Rock your body like thunder,
Over, sideways and under
'Till you feel like you can cry.

A whole nude world,
A new fantastic way to screw,
Everyone tells me "no,"
I need a blow,
So I can start my creaming

(Jasmine)
A whole nude world,
My sizzling space you never knew,
But when you're way down there,
Engrossed in hair,
Now I'm in a whole nude world with you.

(Aladdin)
Now I'm in a whole nude world with you.

(Jasmine)
Unbelievable size,
Indescribable squealing,
Leaning, bending, and kneeling
At my moist and gaping thighs.
A whole nude world

(Aladdin)
Don't you dare close your thighs

(Jasmine)
A hundred thousand sperm in me

(Aladdin)
Hold your breath-- it gets better

(Jasmine)
I'm like a shooting star,
I've cum so far,
And not go back to my virginity

(Aladdin)
A whole nude world

(Jasmine)
Every thrust of your thighs

(Aladdin)
With new positions we can screw

(Jasmine)
Every moment gets wetter

(Both)
I'll lick you anywhere,
Hell, do I care?
Let me share this whole nude world with you.

(Aladdin)
A whole nude world

(Jasmine)
A whole nude world

(Aladdin)
That's where we'll be

(Jasmine)
That's where we'll be

(Aladdin)
A thrilling taste

(Jasmine)
Of my hot place

(Both)
To you from me.

by Walther, Fleury, and Friedland with corrections by MCW

---hahahaha! everyone can use a good laugh!(^____^)

"Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege."

Subject: Check this out maybe it YOU!

Telesales agent getting the customer's
credit card info:
>Agent: Can I have your expiration
date, sir?
>Customer: My what?!!
>--------------------------------------
----------------
>Telesales agent giving promo spiels:
>Agent: You called at the right time,
ma'am. We have a lot of freebies
to
>give away, such as free installation,
free equipment, and free DVD
player.
>That's a great offer, di ba?
>Customer: huh?!
>--------------------------------------
-----------
>Agent verifying info from the
customer:
>Agent: Is that a P for Ping-Pong?
>Customer: No, it's B.
>Agent: Oh, B, like Bing-Bong...
>--------------------------------------
-----------------
>Customer trying to return a defective
product:
>Customer: I need to return this
defective sauna belt that you
delivered
>yesterday.
>Agent: For that concern, you can call
our customer service at
www.picustomerservice.com.
>Customer: Call where??!!
>--------------------------------------
---------
>Agent answering a call:
>Agent: Thank you for calling Dish
Network Department, my name is
Vince.....
>(sees that the number called by
customer is for a different client-- a
>DirecTV dealer).
>Customer: So, I called the wrong
number then?
>Agent: Let me transfer you to DirecTV
please dont go.... (puts the
customer
>on hold, and then)... Thank you for
calling DirecTV Department, my
name is
>Vince...
>--------------------------------------
----------------
>Agent wrapping up the sale:
>Agent: Our INSTALLATORS will contact
you within the next 24 hours to
>verify
>your installation schedules...
>Customer: Uhm.... say what, now.
Who's gonna call me?
>Agent: The INSTALLATORS, sir.
>--------------------------------------
---------------------
>Agent getting coupon code from
customer:
>Agent: Can I ask for the coupon code?
It's a bunch of letters.
>Customers: Like ABCs?
>Agent: Yes.
>Customer: Ok. ABCDEFG....
>--------------------------------------
------------------
>Agent giving the customer service web
address:
>Agent: It's P- as in Papa, I- as in
India, C- as in costume, U- as in
you,
>S- as in Sam, T- as in Tango, O....
Oscar...V- for Voy...
>--------------------------------------
-----------------------
>Agent wrapping up the sale, trying to
give the account info to
customer:
>Agent: I will now be giving you your
account number and order
confirmation
>number, do you have a PEN and BALLPEN
with you?
>--------------------------------------
-----------------------
>Agent trying to create urgency over
the available promotion:
>Agent: Are you sure you don't want to
take advantage of me?
>Customer: Say, what?
>--------------------------------------
-----------------------
>Agent trying to upsell a warranty:
>Agent: Here's an example: In
California, a plane crashed into a
customer's
>house, their dish was replaced, no
questions asked!
>--------------------------------------
----------------
>Agent trying to upsell a TiVo to
customer:
>Agent: With a TiVo, you can do this
and that, and you know, pretty
much
>anything under the sun. Isn't that a
great offer?
>Customer: What?
>--------------------------------------
---------------------
>Agent was asking the customer about
the cost of his cable service:
>Agent: How much are you paying with
your current provider?
>Customer: Well, I'm only paying
$25.00 (--which is way cheaper than
what
>the
>agent was offering)
>Agent: (Surprised) Shet, magkano??!!
>--------------------------------------
-------------
>Agent getting customer's address:
>Agent: Can I have your address,
please?
>Customer: It's twenyfurfif-ysavan
newyaorkgh road (2457 New York Road)
>Agent: Can you repeat that ulit?
>--------------------------------------
-------------------
>Agent asking the customer to be put
on hold:
>Tech Agent: Sir, Can I hold you for
just a minute?
>Customer: Sure, baby, go ahead!
>
>--------------------------------------
-----------------
>Agent verifying correct spelling:
>Agent: Is that a B as in boy, or a B
as in Bravo?
>Customer: ...uhmmm... how about B as
in Boy?
>--------------------------------------
---------------------
>Technical Agent giving customer
support:
>Agent: Is the ethernet cord connected?
>Cust: Tha Hwhut??? (with Alabama
accent)
>Agent: Yung yellow cord kung
nakakabit ba!
>--------------------------------------
---------------------
>
>Agent from a local phone company
entertaining a Visayan customer:
>Customer: hillo! wala kasi yung bell
ng pon namin??
>Agent: Hindi naman po ba nabagsak
yung phone?
>Customer: Hende naman.
>Agent: Kailan pa po ito nagsimula?
>Customer: Ang alen?
>Agent: Na hindi po nagri-ring yung
phone?
>Customer: Nagre-reng naman ah?!
>Agent: Di ba sabi mo walang ring?
>Customer: Hende! yong BELL! yong
lestahan nong babayaran namin!!
>Agent: aahhh... yung BILL?!
>--------------------------------------
-----------------
>
>Technical Agent: To help you out with
your concern, ma'am, let me just
pull
>out my tool here, ok? (referring to a
computer program used in call
centers
>to address the customer's concerns)
>Customer: Pull out your what now?
>--------------------------------------
--------------
>
>Tech Support: Okay, Bob, just type P
on your keyboard?
>Customer: What? Could you repeat
that?
>Tech Support: 'P' on your keyboard,
Bob.
>Customer: No way. I'm not going to do
that.
>--------------------------------------
------------------------
>Agent: Sir, that is C for Cubao, Q
for Quiapo.....
>
>Customer: What is that?! I dont
understand. I don't want to talk to
you.
>Agent: Who do you want to talk to?
>Customer: I want to talk to the
highest person.
>Agent: My supervisor is not available
as of the moment sir.
>Customer: I said, I want to talk to
the highest person.
>Agent: Ok, you want to talk to the
highest person?
>Customer: Yes!
>Agent: Do you want to talk to God?
>Customer: what the f***! I'd rather
talk to you.
>--------------------------------------
----------------------
>Irate Customer: F***k you!
>Tech Support: Sir, we're not allowed
to say "F***k you!" here...
>--------------------------------------
--------------------------
>
>Agent: It's C as in CAT.
>Customer: what?
>Agent: C as in CAT. C-A-T as in meow
meow...
>--------------------------------------
---------------------
>
>Agent: Thank you for calling us, this
is Candy, how may I help you?
>
>Customer: What did you say your name
was... Mandy?
>Agent: No, sir, it's Candy.
>Customer: Sorry, i can't hear ya...
didja say Mandy?
>Agent: It's Candy sir... Candy... as
in Storck!
>--------------------------------------
---------------------
>
>Agent: Alright, let me verify that...
Was that a "G" as in golf?
>Customer (with a different accent):
NO! That was a "G" as! in GEBRA!
(z as
>in zebra)
>Oh, Gebra! like the one in the Goo?!
>--------------------------------------
---------------
>
>Agent: Yeah, sir....hello sir... are
you there?
>Customer: Yes, sorry. I'm still there.
>--------------------------------------
-----------
>
>Agent: Ok, sir... do u have a PEN and
a PENCIL ready?
>Customer: What?!!
>Agent: Oh, Im sorry, sir... i mean,
do u have a PEN and a BALLPEN
ready?
>--------------------------------------
------------
>
>Agent: I'd like to speak with Billy
Thompson please?
>Contact: He's not in. Would you like
to leave a message in his
voicemail?
>Agent: Sure, SIGE..
>--------------------------------------
-----------------
>
>Tech support: We're going to perform
a check disk to see if your hard
drive
>has errors in it. Please type in C-H-
K-D-S-K.
>Customer: What is that again?
>Tech Support: C-H-K-D-S-K... that
is... C as in Charlie... H as in
>Harley... K as in Karly.. D as in
Darley... S as in Sarley... and K as
in
>Karly... got it?

01) Contemplate - kulang ang mga pinggan

02) Punctuation - pera para maka-enrol

03) Ice Buko - nagtatanong kung ayos na ang buhok

04) Tenacious - sapatos na pang tennis

05) Calculator - tawagan kita mamaya

06) Devastation - sakayan ng bus

07) Protestant - Tindahan ng prutas

08) Statue - Ikaw ba yan?

09) Tissue - Ikaw nga!

10) Predicate - Pakawalan mo ang pusa

11) Dedicate - Pinatay ang pusa

12) Aspect - Pantusok o pandurog ng yelo

13) Deduct - Ang pato

14) Defeat - Ang paa (ng pato?)

15) Detail - Ang buntot (ng pato?)

16) Deposit - Gripo (Call DIPLOMA if DEPOSIT is leaking)

17) City - Bago mag-utso; A number to follow 6

18) Cattle - Doon nakatila ang Hali at Leyna

19) Persuading - Unang Kasal

20) Depress - Ang nagkasal sa PERSUADING

22) Defense - Ginamit ng mga pangsulat sa kontrata sa PERSUADING

23) It Depends - Kainin mo ang bakod

24) Shampoo - Bago mag-labing-isha (11)

25) Delusion - Maluwang (kapag maluwang ang damit, eh DELUSION)

26) Delivery - Walang bayad. Kapag work ing lunch, eh DELIVERY na
ang tanghalian

27) Profit - Patunayan mo

28) Balance Sheet - What comes out after eating a balance diet

29) Backlog - bacon saka egg

30) Beehive - magpakatino ka

31) CD-ROM - tingnan mo ang kwarto

32) Debug - ang ipis

33) Defrag - ang palaka

34) Defense - ang bakod

35) Defer - ang balahibo

36) Deflate - ang plato

37) Detest - ang eksamin

38) Devalue - 'yon ang susunod sa letrang V

39) Devote - ang boto

40) Dilemma - brownout!, a!

41) Effort - 'dun nagla-land ang efflane

42) Forums - apat na kwarto

43) July - nagsinungaling ka ba?

44) Liturgy - what comes after litur F

NORMA JEAN
You don't have to be beautiful,
to turn me on.
I just need your body, baby,
from dusk 'til dawn.
You don't need experience,
to turn me on.
You just leave it all up to me ...
Ill show you what its all about

You don't have to be rich,
to be my pearl.
You don't have to be cool,
to rule my world.
Ain't no particular song,
I'm more compatible with.
I just want your extra...
time and your..... kiss....

another song after the ladies:
Whoa-oa-oa! I feel good, I knew that I would, now
I feel good, I knew that I would, now
So good, so good, I got you
Whoa! I feel nice, like sugar and spice
I feel nice, like sugar and spice
So nice, so nice, I got you

The Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally , the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem See a doctor.

1. Anyth ing we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can

to give them a bigger laugh

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

I once prayed to god for a bike, but quickly found out he didnt work that way...so I stole a bike and prayed for his forgiveness.

Actual Headline: Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?

If you think things can't get worse it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.

A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station...

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn't pay..so if you keep reading, you'll go broke

"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989

Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart, he dreams himself your master.

You never learn anything by doing it right.

Why do our noses run and our feet smell?

If you're not on somebody's shit list, you're not doing anything worthwhile.

13 Things About You

1. Someone in this world Loves you , in some way.

2. A smile from you, can bring happiness to anyone, even if they
don't like you.

3. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to
sleep.

4. You mean the world to someone.

5. Without you , someone may not be living.

6. You are special and unique, in your own way.

7. Someone that you don't know even exists, loves you.

8. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes
from it.

9. When you think the world has turned it's back on you, take a
look, you most likely turned your back on the world.

10. When you think you have no chance at getting what you want,
you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself,
you probably sooner or later will get it.

11.Always remember complements you received, forget about the
rude remarks.

12.Always tell someone how you feel about them, you will feel
much better when they know.

13

If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know
that they are great. If you choose, send this letter to as
many people as you care about, you'll brighten up someone's
day, and might change their perspective on life, for the better!

"When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms"

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in
front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the
car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy.

I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure
water: we had a kid; I
went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were
steadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil
servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same
time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more
likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew
hugged me from
behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream
of love. This was the

apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, you are the kind of man who best draws
girls' eyeballs. Her words
suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just
married, my wife said,
Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive
to girls.

Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I
had betrayed my wife.
But I couldn't help doing so.

I moved Dew's hands aside and said you go to select
some furniture, O.K.?
I've got something to do in the company. Obviously she
was unhappy, because

I had promised to do it together with her. At the
moment, the idea of
divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to
be something
impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife
about it. No matter how

mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply
hurt.

Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was
busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready
soon. Then we watched

TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer,
visualizing Dew's body.
This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slightly joking way,
suppose we divorce, what
will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds
without a word. Apparently

she believed that divorce was something too far away
from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was
serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped
out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and
tried to hide something while talking to her. She seemed to have got some
hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her,
O.K.? Then we live
together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any
more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand.
I've got something to
tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again
I observed the hurt in

her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth.
But I had to let her
know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised
the serious topic
calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she
asked me softly, why?

I'm serious. I avoided her question. This so-called
answer made her angry.
She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you
are not a man!

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was
weeping. I knew she wanted

to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I
could hardly give her a
satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce
agreement which stated that

she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my
company. She glanced
at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in
my heart. The woman who
had been living ten years with me would become a
stranger one day. But I

could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was
what I had expected to
see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The
idea of divorce which
had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer
and clearer.

Late that night, I came back home after entertaining
my clients. I saw her
writing something at the table. I fall asleep fast.
When I woke up, I found
she was still there. I turned over and was asleep
again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want
anything from me, but
I was supposed to give her one month s time before
divorce, and in the
month's time we must live as normal a life as
possible. Her reason was

simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a
month later and she
didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then
asked me, He Ning, do you
still remember how I entered our bridal room on the
wedding day? This

question suddenly brought back all those wonderful
memories to me. I nodded
and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she
continued, so, I have
a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms
on the day when we

divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must
carry me out from the
bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet
days and wished to
end her marriage romantically.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She
laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does,
she has to face the
result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more
or less made me feel

uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my
divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a
stranger. So when I
carried her out on the first day, we both appeared
clumsy. Our son clapped

behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His
words brought me a sense
of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to
the door, I walked
over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her
eyes and said softly,

Let us start from today, don't tell our son. I nodded,
feeling somewhat
upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to
wait for a bus, I drove
to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily.
She leaned on my

chest. We were so close that I could smell the
fragrance of her blouse. I
realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman
carefully for a long
time. I found she was not young any more. There were
some fine wrinkles on

her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside
garden is being
demolished. Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to
feel that we were still
an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in
my arms. The
visualization of Dew became vague.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me
something, such as, where
she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while
cooking, etc. I nodded.

The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell
Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the
everyday workout made me
stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to
carry you now. She was

picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out.
She tried quite a few
but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed,
all my dresses have
grown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that
it was because she was

thinner that I could carry her more easily, not
because I was stronger. I
knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart.
Again, I felt a sense
of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch
her head.

Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry
mum out. He said. To
him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had
been an essential part of
his life. She gestured our son to come closer and
hugged him tightly. I

turned my face because I was afraid I would change my
mind at the last
minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the
bedroom, through the sitting
room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck
softly and naturally. I

held her body tightly, as if we came back to our
wedding day. But her much
lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could
hardly move a step. Our
son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you
will hold me in your

arms until we are old.

I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn't
notice that our life
lacked intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the
door. I was afraid any
delay would make me change my decision. I walked
upstairs. Dew opened the

door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm
serious.

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my
forehead. You got no fever.
She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I
said, I can only say

sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was
boring probably because
she and I didn't value the details of life, not
because we didn't love each
other any more. Now I understand that since I carried
her into the home, she

gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her
until I am old. So I have
to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud
slap and then slammed the
door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and
drove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a
bouquet for my wife
which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me what to
write on the card. I
smiled and wrote,
"I'll carry you out every morning
until we are old."

Very touching, right? If you think it's touching,
please forward it to your
friends and me too, if you think it's not touching at
all, just ignored this
email.

Below is a winning piece in the latest contest sa UP Creative writing

=================================================================

Its been 4 months since i saw him and talagang namimiss ko na siya...
pero what can i do? it seems that i have loved the wrong person....
but still the pain keeps on hurting me and kung walang magbibigay ng gamot para dito sa nararamdaman ko.... baka mamatay na ako....

to give you a background about my life, everthing seems to be fine
except dun sa time na dumating na sa buhay ko yung hinayupak na
lalake na yon.... hehehehe....
kung curious kayo about dun sa guy...
bestfriend ko po yon kaso lang iba na ang nangyari as time passes
by.....

classmate ko sya nung highschool. pards pa nga ang tawagan namen....
o db ang sweet? di na ako iba sa kanya and ganon na ren sya sa
aken....
kung di nga lang ako naging babae baka naiuwi na ako nun sa bahay
nila and baka lahat ng gawaing pang brusko eh ipagawa na nun sa ken eh.....
pero cyempre mukha pa ren naman akong babae noh!!

highskul cyempre may pr om.... wala cyang date, wla ren ako.... i know that he wanted to invite me to be his date pero ang ogag nga kasi nun kaya the last minute tsaka lang sya nag-ask. he went to our house...
nakamotor po sya and medyo pawisan pero infairness....
mabango pa ren....
he ask my permission to see my dress for the prom....
cyempre para maloka sya sa aken at may konting surprise...
i refuse....
o sige, medyo nafrustrate sya pero hindi yon naging hadlang para
invite nya ko....
sa ganda ko na to.....
cyempre ang dami munang pa-echeng....
hanggang sa tanungin nya ako kung may date na ba me....
e kung di ba naman siya abnormal eh....
papayag ba akong makipagdate sa iba eh sya lang ang gusto ko....
lam mo yon...
sarap sampalin.... so in short, papilit pa ba ako?
syempre.....
the night of my life came, i was so pretty sabi ng nang-uuto kong
nanay...
pero naniwala lang ako nang sya na ang nagsabi....
b lush ako ever....
kahit alam kong maganda ako since birth(hehehehe) iba pa ren yung sa kanya galing diba?

we enjoyed that night and lalo ko lang napatunayan sa sarili ko na
mahal ko na pala ang hinayupak na bestfrend ko......

syempre ano pa ba ang sunod na event sa prom kundi ang graduation na db?
the night before the graduation, we talked on the phone na para bang it would be the last time na maririnig namen ang boses ng isat-isa.....
ive waited for the moment na mabanggit nya na may feelings din sya
and hindi naman ako nagkamali....
tinanong nya akokung may possibilty daw na maging kame....
i know na maiinis kayo sa ken dahil alam nyo ba ang sagot ko?

ah, eh....
hindi pwede kase bestfrends tayo eh....
yung mga anak na lang
naten yung ipag-partner naten....

sa isip-isip ko....
ang tanga!
pano ko nasabi ang ganong words? pero wala na akong magagawa.....
alam namang bawiin ko pa eh di nahuli naman ako db? pe ro ang tanga
ko talga....

cyempre college na....
im so proud to say na napunta naman ako sa magandang school and take note...
pareho kame ng skul.....
ano to? kailangan bang ituloy ang naudlot na pagmamahalan namen?....
hehehe....

nagkaboyfriend ako for a year and a half....
minahal ko sya pero there are these conflicts and problems na di na
kayang ayusin....

in short.... nagbreak kame.....

i guess god meant that to happen kasi yon din yung time na nagkita
kame ng bestfrend ko.....
sa sobrang miss namen ang isa't-isa....
sabay na kameng umuwi, kumain, pumasok.....
im happy pero parang lalo ko lang pinahirapan ang sarili ko dahil my feelings for that guy grows each and everytime that
we are together...
buti na lang magaling akong magtago at magpigil....
hehehe....bilib kayo noh?.....

one morning, im so busy preparing my project that would be passed on that same day....
alam kong dumati ng na sya at nasa likuran ko na ang mokong
pero dahil sobrang pressure sa project....
gusto ko man syang dambahan...
cyempre mamayang gabi na lang di ba? hehehe....
di ko sya masyadong napansin.....

may inabot syang sulat sa aken and he asked if i could join him sa
lunch....
i said yes....
then, alis na cya....
alam naman kc nyang im busy.....

when i was about to enter the room, somebody bumped me and my precious project fell...
gusto ko mang magalet... what can i do db?
instead i asked my prof to give me another chance to do my
project....
naalala ko si mokong.... the lunch date....

kinuha ko ang cell ko to text him that i cant come to our meeting....
e kaso.... pag tinamaan k nga naman ng malas.... check operator
service daw....
i tried to look for friends or other kakilala pero malas that day
talaga....
and so i took my lunch all by my self....

naalala ko yung letter....
hinanap ko sa bag... WALA !!!!
bumalik me sa corridor praying na andon pa yung sulat.... wala ren....

god! why? minsan lang magbigay ng sulat yon.... nawala pa.... dont
know how to tell him about the letter....

and so days and weeks passed, pag nagkikita kame...
di nya ako pinapansin...
ako, i tried to talk to him pero alam kong may kasalanan ako
pero ganon ba kalaki ang nagawa kong di pagpunta at ganon na lang ang i was nya?... sige... hinayaan ko na lang....

months na ang binilang...
i heard that he was dating a girl from the same school that we are
in... masakit.... na sa iba ko pa narinig na sila na....
mas masakit na wala na akong halaga sa kanya.....

basta...
ilang araw din yon na ganon ang nararamdaman ko.... weeks....
months....

gagraduate na po ako.... i wonder what's instore for me in my last
day in school....

and so i thought na puntahan yung favorite hang out namen....
when i was about to get near the place.... i saw him... with the
girl....
umiiyak ang bruha but i cant hear what they are talking about....

so ive decided to get out of that place before my tears burst out....
and then a common frend ang sumalubong sa aken....
saying na buntis ang girl....
syempre.... durog na durog ang puso ko....
kung kaya nyo lang ma-imagine yung naramdaman ko.....

the night of that same day.... naloka ang lola nyo....
nagparamdam ang mokong pagkaraan ng pagkatagal-tagal na panahon...
i thought it was something good for me... for us.... pero i was
wrong....
so wrong.....

he gave me a wedding invitation and isa ako sa bridesmaids.....
the girl... she was waiting in the car....
o db? dati motor lang ngaun... car na....

and so the wedding came....
maganda po ako nun.... sabi ng nanay ko pero wala ng nagsecond the
motion eh.... so naniwala na lang ako sa nanay ko....

then, there was this professor who came to see me....
he handed over a letter with my name carefully printed on the
enveloped....
he said that he looked for the owner of that letter kaso lang po
malaki po ang skul namin kaya mahirap magkahanapan db? and so nung nakita nya ang name ko sa invitation, he decided to bring the letter thinking that it could save souls... daw....

and so i was about to open the letter when the priest ask kung sino daw ang tututol...
dedma ako....
alangan namang manggulo pa ko noh....

binasa ko na ang letter.....

nakakatouch po talaga....

he opened up his feelings for me....

hoping na meron din daw akong feelings for him....
he ask that if i will show up to our hang- out the next day after he gave his letter, then it means that i also have feelings for him and that he
would love me for the rest of our lives....
but if i wont.... then he will never ope n that topic again....

he pleaded to me na sana pumunta ako... ...

if only i have that letter....
if only i knew about it....
kung di lang ako clumsy and careless to keep that letter...
things would be different....
if only.....

and so i heard the priest announced the couple as husband and wife....
ang sakit......

picture taking.....
gusto mang sumabog ng nararamdaman ko....
as you know....
magaling akong magpigil....
pero masakit po talaga.... sobra......

after the picture taking......

niyakap ako ng bestfrend ko....

ang higpit.... and teary eyed nyang cnabi na.........

i still love you......

Saturday, May 12, 2007

how to control ur emotions <---we could use some tips bout anger management...*wink* Message: This would give you guides on how to control your emotions towards your better-half, friends, officemates and all the people around you, especially your "boss".

The rules of practicing "ugaling langit, ugaling kaaya-aya" :

#1 Ang naunang magalit ang may karapatang magalit. Pag naunahan ka na ng galit niya, tumahimik ka na lang muna.

#2 Walang taong nag-aaway mag-isa. Pag hindi kayo sumagot o pumatol, titigil din daw ang taong nakikipag- away sa inyo.

#3 Ang taong galit, 'bingi.' If someone is angry, wala raw pinakikinggan, so, don't try to explain and fight back. Hindi ka niya iintindihin dahil wala siyang naririnig kundi ang sarili nya.

#4 Ang taong galit, 'abnoy.' Ayon sa pastor, Biblical daw ito? because the Lord said when He was crucified, "Father, patawarin mo sila dahil hindi nila alam ang kanilang ginagawa." Modern term for these kinds of people are abnoys, so you better not get angry para huwag kang matawag na abnoy.

You should also know and realize that the persons who make your day bad are jewels, because you need them for you to mature. Hangga't andyan daw sila at kinaiinisan mo, ibig sabihin, immature ka pa. God will not take away those people; it's for you to take away your bad feelings towards them. You'll know na mature ka na pag dumating 'yung time na hindi ka na naiinis sa mga taong ito because you have learned to accept them and to have patience with them.

#5 Finally, the best part of this is to tell yourself na, because of this person, "I will grow mature," and that DAHIL SA CONTRIBUTION NIYA SA MATURITY MO, KUKUNIN DIN SYA NI LORD. :p

~~~hehehehe~~~

Leo - Your Love Profile

Your positive traits:

You're almost always the center of attention - and easy for potential dates to spot

Your happiness and optimism is appealing to all... and contagious!

You don't hold grudges - getting over little fights is no problem for you

Your negative traits:

You tend to ignore relationship problems, until they are too big to handle

You crave luxury, and you are disappointed with partners who can't provide you with it

If someone does you wrong, you'll coldly and cruelly break their heart

Your ideal partner:

Someone high status enough to bring you more attention - but not so great that they upstage you

Makes you laugh and brings excitement to everything you do together

Is aggressive and confident enough to butt heads with you every so often

Your dating style:

High expectations. You need to be impressed with an incredible first date for a second one to occur.

Your seduction style:

You like to make the first move - you're fearless about initiating things

Passionate. You really get into any intimate act.

Aggressive. Most of the time, you find yourself wanting sex more than your partner.

Tips for the future:

Try to not need so much attention. You'll feel less ignored, guaranteed.

Learn to love your partner for who they are - not how they help advance your life.

Let your partner shine occasionally. You don't always have to be the alpha dog.

Best color to attract mate: Gold

Best day for a date: Sunday

What's Your Love Profile?

Pisces - Your Love Profile

Your positive traits:

You're very tuned into your lover's feelings - and always doing something caring.

Sweetness - you're the most romantic person your partner has ever met.

You get easily swept away and are a total delight to fall in love with.

Your negative traits:

You are super duper sensitive and find it hard to get out of a sad mood.

It's difficult for you to tell your sweetie no, even when you should.

You often tell your partner what they want to hear, instead of being honest.

Your ideal partner:

Is straight from a fairy tale - the man or woman of your dreams

Is a total romantic, with an artistic or creative side

Loves to express their love to you, in all sorts of unique ways

Your dating style:

Dreamy. You like traditional romantic dates, like picnics in the park and candlelight dinners.

Your seduction style:

Fearless - you try what your partner suggests, no matter how unusual.

Loving. You'll take your pleasure second, if necessary.

Internal. A lot of your enjoyment takes place within your head.

Tips for the future:

Be more realistic. Your romantic ideal is nice, but it may just not happen.

Let go of your fear of rejection - it's holding you back from being with your true love.

Open yourself up to a new love. The person you think you want make not be the one..

Best color to attract mate: Seafoam green

Best day for a date: Friday

What's Your Love Profile?