LaughsHelp!
Two translators on a ship are talking.
"Can you swim?" asks one.
"No" says the other, "but I can shout for help in nine languages."

Hieroglyphics
There were a group of archeologists who dug up a line of hieroglyphics that were, from left to right: a dog, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of David. After years of study they came up with an explanation. They believed that this was a very wise group of people. First, they knew man had to have company, hence the dog. Next, they knew that they needed animals to help with work, so the donkey. The shovel was there because of their advanced knowledge of tools. Next, they knew that they had to eat, and that fish were the best source of food. Finally, they were a religious group and knew man had to have religion.

After the explanation, a man jumped up and said, "You fools, Hebrew is read from right to left! It says 'Holy mackerel, dig the ass on that bitch!'

An Insomniac At Night with an Automated Translator
I hit on this page by folksinger Christine Lavin showing the results of automatic translation of some of her song titles to and from a foreign language by the AltaVista automated translation software. For example :

The original song title : Please Don't Make Me Too Happy
To French to English:
Please Not Return To Me Too Happy

To German to English:
Please To Me Do Not Go Back Too Lucky

To Italian To English:
I Pray To Me Not To Go Behind Too Much Fortunate

To Portugese to Eng:
I Pray Me Not To Go Too Much Behind Fortunate

To Spanish To Eng:
I Request To Me Not To Go Too Much Behind Lucky Person




Ad slogans - "Loco"lization
Here is a look at how shrewd American business people translate their slogans into foreign languages:

The 4 wheel drive sport utility truck we know as a Montero was named "Pajero" for non-US markets, including Australia, where a large number of Argentineans & Uruguayans live -- "pajero" in Spanish means "masturbator".

Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea."

Chicken magnate Frank Perdue's line, "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken," sounds much more interesting in Spanish: "It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate."

When Vicks first introduced its cough drops on the German market, they were chagrined to learn that the German pronunciation of "v" is "f," which in German is the guttural equivalent of "sexual penetration."

Not to be outdone, Puffs tissues tried later to introduce its product, only to learn that "Puff" in German is a colloquial term for a whorehouse.

The Chevy Nova never sold well in Spanish speaking countries. "No Va" means "It Does Not Go" in Spanish.

When Pepsi started marketing its products in China a few years back, they translated their slogan, "Pepsi Brings You Back to Life" pretty literally. The slogan in Chinese really meant, "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back from the Grave."

When Coca-Cola first shipped to China, they named the product something that when pronounced sounded like "Coca-Cola." The only problem was that the characters used meant "Bite The Wax Tadpole." They later changed to a set of characters that mean "Happiness In The Mouth."

Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.

Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into German only to find out that "mist" is German for manure. Not too many people had use for the "manure stick".

When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the beautiful Caucasian baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside, since most people can't read.

An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I saw the potato" (la papa